Cage Match: Left Behind (2014)

The righteous vanish in the perplexing rapture thriller “Left Behind”—along with all objective measures of cinematic achievement.

TL;DR: Left Behind is what happens when a Christian disaster movie tries to convert the unfaithful with bad CGI, a confused script, and a very tired Nicolas Cage. It’s The Room of Rapture flicks: sincerely made, spiritually aggressive, and gloriously inept.

IN THIS CORNER: KELLY MINTZER

The Lowdown 

These are strange times. I know, I know, understatement of the year. But here we are, y’all, in an era where seemingly every day a new apocalypse horseman comes a-galloping onto the scene. Unfortunately, all the great ones are already taken, and sometimes we’re left with the “I kind of enjoyed Left Behind because of how awful it was, horseman” (He rides a palomino pony; he is not cool.) 

I want to be wildly, abundantly clear; Left Behind is a-pardon the pun (or don’t, I’m not the boss of you) DISASTER of a movie, with pretty much no redeeming value. Which is exactly what made it so damn watchable.

It’s a difficult thing to place that line between “bad” and “so bad it’s fun”. I don’t think it can intentionally be reproduced.

Just last week, Steph and I slogged through a deeply “so bad it’s bad” movie in Arsenal. Perhaps it’s because that particular film had too many components that were actually semi-competent; perhaps it’s because, if nothing else, Left Behindexplodes something every 10 or so minutes… whatever it is, wherever that difference lies, I had so much fun watching Left Behind I had to stop working and focus on it.

I don’t know if my experience would have been different if I were a religious person and wasn’t so hung up on thoughts of why the raptured (this is a movie about the rapture) left their clothes but not their bodies behind. People aren’t supposed to need bodies in heaven, right? Wouldn’t it have been just as cinematically haunting if all of the raptured just… fell over? 

Because here’s the thing. In the heart of this abysmal movie, there’s a crackerjack idea that is in no way realized.

The basic premise is that Nic Cage’s not-quite-philandering husband (he’s thinking about it, guys, but he hasn’t done it yet, because he’s the hero, I think, and so he can’t possibly actually cheat) is a pilot who is soaring through the happy skies when the rapture takes a portion of the passengers.

To be clear: this is a really great premise. A movie that takes place entirely in a plane, where a third of the passengers vanish, leaving only piles of clothes behind? Spend the rest of the film attempting to grapple with the mystery, and you’ve really got something.

While I wouldn’t write it as a religious film, I think you could even pull off the Christian components effectively under this framework.

However, this is not a movie about mystery. This is a movie about RELIGION and how important it is to never wrestle or grapple with your faith, but to just absolutely confidently be on “the right team”. So much so that a Muslim character is portrayed as absolutely good and kind and is only “left behind” because he’s… Muslim.

(For the record, Left Behind guys, this is not a particularly potent piece of persuasion to your side.)

Yes, everything about the movie is ham-fisted and wrong-headed. But in between the difficult to digest bread of this shit sandwich, there’s a lot of super stupid, really (unintentionally) fun nonsense.

Did you expect to see a little person ream out an innocent child for no reason in this movie about G-d? Girl, me neither, but it happens. Do people come up with increasingly insane explanations for the mysterious event? Hell yes! Does everyone go bonkers IMMEDIATELY? You know they do.

Look, this is a movie where Chad Michael Murray is the strongest thing going for it. I think that says it all. 

The Cage Factor:

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s got to be a Cautious Cage for me. I know, I know, it’s a rat, but I can’t help it, I had so much fun watching it, and I think a lot of people will. Nic’s not going that crazy, but the rest of the movie absolutely is, and he’s perfectly ridiculous in it (Nic Cage Wig Watch once again hitting an all-time “why?”).

It’s so missable, but also, so goddamn fun if you’ve got a few beers (I imagine those who partake of the devil’s lettuce would also have a blast) and some time to kill.

AND IN THIS CORNER: STEPHANIE MALONE

The Lowdown 

The Left Behind book series, spanning 16 novels, sold over 65 million copies, making it one of the most successful Christian fiction series of all time. It spawned a previous film trilogy in the early 2000s starring Kirk Cameron (the Nic Cage of the evangelical crowd), which, while also critically panned, found a dedicated audience within the Christian market.

The 2014 film was an attempt at a big-budget reboot, but it crashed and burned. It tried to lure in mainstream disaster movie fans by putting Con Air Cage back in the air as a born-again action star, only to quietly (okay, loudly) evangelize through fear-mongering and theological guilt trips.

It has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, blessed with a poetic 69 reviews. Is that abysmal score blasphemy or gospel? Let’s discuss.

The setup: The Rapture happens. Suddenly, all God-fearing Christians and innocent children vanish into thin air, leaving the rest of humanity to scream, crash, panic, and vaguely speculate about what just occurred. There’s chaos in the skies, havoc on the ground, and… a lot of diabolical dialogue that could be classified as a sin against humanity.

You’d think this admittedly intriguing premise might inspire a tight 90-minute religious thriller or an existential meditation on salvation. What we get instead is a disaster—not just in its apocalyptic premise, but in its execution. From the wildly inappropriate score, to the bargain-bin special effects, made-for-TV melodrama, and cheap sets, Left Behind is an absolute chaos demon.

And yet… a case can be made for Left Behind being so bad it’s good. It’s unintentionally hilarious and, in its sheer incompetence, accidentally skewers the Christian faith. It is objectively horrible by just about every reasonable measure, but also undeniably entertaining, in spite of itself and not because of it.

It fails so completely, and with such earnestness, that you almost have to admire its confidence.

It’s Reefer Madness for religion: a film that desperately wants to convert you, but instead feels like the unintentional parody of a South Park sketch.

The Cage Factor

Left Behind marks a significant point in Nicolas Cage’s career trajectory. This was firmly in his “direct-to-video” era, a dramatic fall from grace from his early days as an action hero and an Oscar-winning prestige actor. Sadly, we don’t even get the meme-worthy Cage Rage that so often makes his romp through ridiculousness worthwhile; this is sleepy Sunday School Cage.

The film is neither self-aware nor ironic. It takes itself deadly seriously, which probably explains Cage’s painfully subdued but reverent performance (watch Cage talk about the role on Fox & Friends, woof). This earnestness makes it that much more ridiculous. It truly feels like they are going for satire or parody. But, knowing they definitely were not, it’s almost impossible to watch without laughing.

It’s a film so baffling that I wrestled with my rating for an eternity, and bless my soul, I’m still not sure I confidently landed that plane (mixed metaphors=proof of perplexity).

For Cage completists, this qualifies as a dutiful watch—his only foray into overtly Christian cinema and an artifact from a point in his career when the “he’ll do anything for a paycheck” joke was starting to feel like prophecy.

For everyone else, there is entertainment value that comes purely from the film’s catastrophic failures. If you’re a fan of “so bad it’s good” cinema and want to witness a befuddled attempt at Christian propaganda that backfires spectacularly, then by all means, gather your friends, prepare your snarky comments, and experience the rapture of Left Behind.

Just don’t expect to be converted, even to the Church of Cage.