Cage Match: Bangkok Dangerous (2008)

Mr. Cage takes a brooding, lifeless turn in “Bangkok Dangerous”, an Americanized remake that’s more dull than dangerous.

IN THIS CORNER: KELLY MINTZER

The Lowdown 

Tonight I presented to my dear partner in this insane endeavor that there is a direct correlation between the quality of the Nicolas Cage movie and the quality of the Nicolas Cage wig. Which is to say: I knew I was in trouble the second I saw the ridiculous rug glued to his head in Bangkok Dangerous.

I went into it not expecting much. It’s a dumb name and the movie scored, I believe, 9 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m not a slave to the Tomatometer; I’ve loved some movies that were absolutely rated rotten, but I do allow a certain amount of caution in when a film scores so aggressively low. 

The thing about Bangkok Dangerous is that it’s not good but it’s also not bad enough to be fun. It’s wildly, absurdly generic and forgettable. Nic Cage plays a variation on a theme we’ve seen him inhabit many times before. The tough loner who has a soft spot for a very small few. In this case, he’s a hit man sent to execute a powerful political figure. 

I’m going to be honest, it is quite impossible for me to get too deeply into plot details.

I found my mind wandering throughout the movie. At one point, Cage takes a very nice mute lady out to eat and, despite my best efforts, I ended up just thinking about pad Thai and how much I like it, and whether or not I could make my own. 

There were exactly two things that managed to hold my attention: 1. The hilariously chaste dancing that a Nicolas Cage liaison does professionally in a night club. It was astonishingly wholesome and it made me laugh so hard. And 2. Good god, that wig. THAT WIG. I cannot imagine who proposed it, who ok-ed it, who saw it in action and said “sure, let’s stick with that.” There were so many opportunities to not put that strange, too long, too dark wig on his head, but they stuck to it, and I guess I almost respect that commitment to such an unspeakably awful bit of costume. 

Guys, I’m sorry. I’m genuinely not trying to half-ass this. It’s just SUCH a bland, nothing movie.

The Cage Factor:

If it isn’t abundantly clear, this is a Rat in a Cage. Our man’s not even fun in this. He’s sleepwalking through it. There is nothing at all that I can find to recommend this movie. I can’t say it’s the worst movie we’ve watched for this column, but I also can’t remember almost anything about it and I watched it less than 24 hours ago.

AND IN THIS CORNER: STEPHANIE MALONE

The Lowdown 

Bangkok Dangerous (2008) is a remake of the Pang Brothers’ (The Eye) own 1999 Thai film, this time with Hollywood flair and Cage’s unmistakable presence. The narrative follows Joe, a stoic hitman navigating the bustling streets of Bangkok as he grapples with his moral code amidst a series of assassinations.

On paper, it should have been a wild ride made thrilling by the visual style and atmospheric tension the Pangs are known for, combined with Cage’s trademark kinetic energy and action-hero charisma. My Cage-loving heart weeps for what could have been.

Don’t get me wrong; there’s some good stuff here. The film offers glimpses into Bangkok’s vibrant backdrop, providing a gritty, neon-drenched atmospheric setting that could have elevated the thriller elements. Some action sequences are competently executed, showcasing the Pang Brothers’ flair for stylized violence.

However, these strengths are overshadowed by a plethora of shortcomings.

The pacing meanders, and the dull plot is full of genre clichés and predictability, making the film tedious to watch. Characters lack depth, and the performances, including (oh, so sadly) Cage’s, lack the power to engage. The romantic subplot, involving Joe and a deaf-mute woman, could have added depth but feels forced and underdeveloped.

For every stylish and well-executed action scene, there’s another hampered by choppy editing and a general lack of excitement.

The Cage Factor

Known for his eclectic and often over-the-top performances, Cage’s portrayal of Joe is uncharacteristically subdued, bordering on disinterested. This restrained approach fails to inject the necessary energy into the film, making his character less compelling. He attempts a sort of quiet intensity, a professional killer with a soul buried deep beneath layers of coldness. However, it feels strangely wooden and lacking the usual Cage charisma.

At times, it appears he is going through the motions—something he rarely does, even in the worst of films.

If you’re a Nicolas Cage completist or have a fondness for stylish, if somewhat generic, action thrillers, then Bangkok Dangerous might be worth a watch. However, if you’re looking for a truly memorable Cage performance or a groundbreaking action film, you’ll likely be disappointed. While the allure of Cage in an action-packed Bangkok setting might intrigue some, the film ultimately fails to deliver on its premise, leaving both action aficionados and Cage enthusiasts wanting.