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v/h/s/94

The popular V/H/S anthology horror series returns to form and reboots the franchise with the recent Shudder release, “V/H/S/94”.

Imagine your first day at SWAT school, You wake up hoping to catch the next meth kingpin, or maybe a perpetrator who defecated in the local 7 Eleven ICEE machine. Unfortunately, You get debriefed on a local Satanist cult compound, which could possibly be your last day of work as well.

HOLY HELL (PROLOGUE):

The SWAT team advances into the compound with only one objective: to find those VHS tapes. There has to be a copy of Jurrasic Park somewhere, I feel it. We see some crazed woman doing a staticky countdown, properly greeting the viewers and the new SWAT team member on their first day. If I entered some theatre area, with church benches and no Disney movie playing, a random evil cultist is getting Batista bombed. Upon entering an area with other dead cultists, now is the time to call upon an Excorcist, or Ned Flanders.

STORM DRAIN:

I’ve been through some nasty storms in my lifetime. I’ve watched the same weathermen and the same reporters for more than half my life. I would never see those reporters go into a storm drain to get a story for the nightly news, especially if a cult dwells in those depths. What happened to reporting on the local legends at a cutoff point, like just interviewing the local folks? I guess this town needs those ratings to “ooze” with polarizing results. Shady cameramen are plentiful in this universe, with abnormally quick running speeds, and poor decision-making. Let’s make it crystal clear, it’s undoubtedly going to be the outspoken Pastor who’s behind a satanist cult.

EMPTY WAKE:

Riddle me this. You’re employed with a mortician’s office, so everything you work with “should” be deceased, correct? I’ve worked with the dead — not in a Beetlejuice manner but in an ‘escorting them to their rightful place’ position. I’m all for letting the dead rest and live out their afterlife. What I won’t accept is calling out to the now “Undead” standing in the corner of the room after being in a coffin. I’ve seen too many films and will not stand there and look hopeless. I will, however, find my “Boomstick” and blast that Creature back to Hades.

THE SUBJECT:

I was disappointed with the latest Mortal Kombat film, primarily for not introducing Barraka. Luckily, I get a version of that sword arm monster in this film. What do you get when you morph multiple humans with military-grade tech and give them a taste for motor oil? You’ve conjured up real-life Mortal Kombat characters, or at least one, and the others are failed experiments and a Hardcore Henry/ Terminator mutation. With everything I’ve watched, this segment felt realistic to me. An ending with the victim conquering the Barraka robot, and the doctor being dead at the hands of the local military, is enough for this viewer to leave happy.

TERROR:

Watching extremists terrorize an invincible creature is both sad and infuriating. I thoroughly enjoyed the amount of effort they displayed in an attempt to take over a Federal building with that creature’s substance, only to be dismantled by their own stupidity. The most curious thing about this segment was the creature being powered down by a lightbulb, especially after the carnage it displayed in the attic. The sacrifice made in the end was a big fuck you to the extremist, and everyone who follows their predicated version of Judgement.

HOLY HELL (EPILOGUE):

The big reveal of the masterminds was generally easy to identify. After explaining to Slater about their plans to continue distribution of snuff-like, and other disgusting films, they say this one will be their greatest release to date. The framing was a bit of a surprise, however.

ABOUT THIS PODCAST:

DREKCULAS UNDERWORLD is a “storytime review” podcast where your host, Drekcula, takes you on a guided journey of a new horror film every week — from beginning to end. Virtually watch along with him as he narrates each film with plenty of wit, crude humor, and sarcasm.


Be sure to tune in every Friday for new episodes of DREKCULAS UNDERWORLD on the Morbidly Beautiful Network. 

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