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We continue our recap of the Riverdale series with episodes 13 and 14 of the second season, “The Tell-Tale Heart” and “The Hills Have Eyes”. 

Join us for our weekly recap of the entire Riverdale series, starting with the first episode of Season 1. This will be a bi-weekly column (every Tuesday and Thursday), with two episodes reviewed each time, until we get caught up with the latest season. Catch up on everything you might have missed, including recaps for all of Season 1, using the links below — or just dive right into to our most recent recap below.

Season 1 Recaps:
Episode 1: The River’s Edge
Episodes 2 and 3: Touch of Evil and Body Double
Episodes 4 and 5: The Last Picture Show and Heart of Darkness
Episodes 6 and 7: Faster Pussycats! Kill! Kill! and In a Lonely Place
Episodes 8 and 9: The Outsiders and La Grande Illusion
Episodes 10 and 11: The Lost Weekend and To Riverdale and Back Again
Episodes 12 and 13: Anatomy of a Murder and The Sweet Hereafter

Season 2 Recaps:
Episodes 1 and 2: A Kiss Before Dying and Nighthawks
Episodes 3 and 4: The Watcher in the Woods and The Town That Dreaded Sundown
Episodes 5 and 6: When a Stranger Calls and Death Proof
Episodes 7 and 8: Tales From the Darkside and House of the Devil
Episodes 9 and 10: Silent Night, Deadly Night and The Blackboard Jungle
Episodes 11 and 12: The Wrestler and The Wicked and the Divine


Episode 13: “The Tell-Tale Heart” Synopsis

Betty helps her mother clean up the corpse of a stranger Chic killed in ‘self-defense’ and suffers the results of that traumatic experience alone before finally breaking and telling Jughead about it. Jughead then not only helps Betty get rid of the man’s car but also gets his father to help Alice and Betty get rid of the body completely. Betty also discovers that the stranger wasn’t a customer of Chic’s but actually a drug dealer, only to be completely shot down by her mother, and that her father is having an affair with Penelope Blossom (his cousin-in-law).

Archie, having been threatened by Agent Adams with the complete destruction of his father’s work, is given a bug to plant to ensure his family’s safety. He destroys it and tells Hiram about it, and is collected the next evening to talk to ‘the boss’. The boss is Hermione Lodge, and she reveals that it had all been an elaborate test and that Agent Adams was working for her as a capo. She tells Archie he passed and welcomes him to the family.

After being confronted by Jughead about the Southside acquisitions and warned by Veronica that her parents were going to expose her and Sheriff Keller’s relationship, Sierra McCoy resigns as mayor with her daughter by her side.

Observations 

— Admittedly, I didn’t see the Agent Adams thing coming. He did seem like a genuine FBI agent. I suppose that says a lot about the power of the Lodge family and the skill of their capos.

— Speaking of which, I had some suspicions that Hermione was just as deep into the mob life as her husband was. She’s not as bad as he is, not yet, but they are neck-and-neck.

— Cheryl’s character is all over the place this season. On one hand, she’s trying her best to be kinder and she shows that by being honest about her mother and Hal having an affair and asking Betty if she needs help after getting sick. But on the other hand, there’s still the pig heart thing from ‘Tales from the Darkside’ to reckon with. Can we just pick a tangent for this character and stick with it? Is she trying to be a better person, or is she an obsessive stalker? I understand needing characters who are multiple things but this is not the way to do it.

— So Betty has to have at least minor PTSD at this point, right? There’s no way you can almost get killed, then have to clean up and dispose of a dead body with your mom without having trauma. Something tells me that nothing’s going to really come of this, no therapy or anything, but it’s something that needs to be acknowledged — and if it’s not going to be acknowledged in the show it should be acknowledged here.

— Archie loves Veronica and Veronica loves Archie, and that’s sweet and all, but as long as her parents are pulling the strings this relationship is absolutely not healthy.

— I also question the health of the Betty and Jughead relationship now. Doing things together brings a couple closer, but I don’t think one of the recommended couple’s activities is disposing of a dead guy’s car.

— Could Kevin have not talked so graphically about the corpse? I feel like that and the puking scene was absolutely unnecessary.

— Why is this town blue at night? Yes, the sky has a blue tint to it sometimes at night, and I can understand needing lighting in the forest to understand what’s going on, but couldn’t they have picked a color closer to moonlight?

— Why do people keep having these big, gruesome conversations and moments at Pop’s? I understand that it’s good ambiance, but what if someone overhears and you get caught? It’s just not a good place to talk about the aftermath of disposing a guy’s body.

— Are the Serpents and Coopers allies now, or is it just Jughead and FP as Cooper allies? Alice being a former Serpent doesn’t erase how much dirt she hauled the Serpents through in the pages of the newspaper.

— Riverdale Parents Ranking: Fred, Sierra, the Lodges, Hal, Alice. Hal gets bumped up because at least he didn’t make Betty help him dispose of a body.

Quotables

Top cursed lines from this episode:

“You do know my mother is a harlot, don’t you? A modern day ‘Moll Flanders?'” – Cheryl


Episode 14: “The Hills Have Eyes” Synopsis

On the edge of an important mob meeting, Hiram convinces Veronica and Archie to go with Betty and Jughead into the forests to enjoy the family’s cabin. Upon getting there, Cheryl calls in and tells Jughead about Betty and Archie kissing in front of her house. There’s a lot of tension, both due to that (resulting in a kiss between Veronica and Jughead) and due to Hiram’s continually constricting grip on the Southside which grows with the family’s purchase of the Southside Trailer Park and the Riverdale Register. The argument that results from the latter dissolves when intruders break in and Andre, Veronica’s driver and bodyguard, dispatches them.

Josie learns of her mother’s affair with Sheriff Keller and tells Kevin about it. Kevin confronts his father and both families fight before Josie and Kevin make amends and settle in with their parents at Pop’s to finally have a talk about it. Kevin also attempts a friendship with Moose and Midge since his connection with the former has fizzled.

Toni Topaz attempts to get close to Cheryl, going in to see Love, Simon with her. Eventually, she breaks through when Cheryl (called an emotional anorexic by her mother) reveals that she used to be friends with a girl named Heather before her mother drove her away and called her a deviant. Toni and Cheryl become friends.

Chic continues to be creepy.

Observations

— Oh look, there’s Penelope Blossom’s existence reminding me of just how much I despise her! The lack of bodies and major crimes doesn’t make her a better mother than the other moms in this show.

— Chic isn’t the Black Hood, I’m sure of it. But I’m also sure that he tortures small animals in the Cooper family backyard between cam sessions. The boy is not stable and I don’t feel like Alice or Betty is safe with him in that house. That doesn’t matter to Alice I’m sure, but still.

— Despite their parents’ relationship falling apart at the seams, it was good to see Josie and Kevin bonding. I think Josie did the right thing by telling Kevin about it, even if the results were very bad. Honestly though, I’m just happy that they’re both getting screen time and lines. I missed them, together and apart.

— I loved the Toni and Cheryl scenes. I stand by my opinion that the whole ‘Cheryl likes girls’ storyline started off in the worst way possible (seriously, is the pig heart thing ever going to be brought up again), but Toni and Cheryl are a very nice duo.

— I liked Lodge Lodge. It was just really aesthetically appealing and I appreciate that. Maybe it’s not the best choice to shove a bunch of teens in a cabin when there’s this much sexual tension all around, but I did appreciate all of the aesthetic choices in the lodge and the surrounding areas.

— Honestly, the healthiest option at this point for relationships with the ‘Core Four’ is either none of them dating or a poly set-up after a lot of talking and therapy. Sadly, I’m pretty sure that polyamory is going to just remain a continual joke brought up by this series. It’s a shame too, a polycule with Betty, Veronica, Jughead, and Archie would help to solve some of their emotional issues within the friend group. Still, a gal can dream.

— I still hate the Dark!Betty wig. It looks like it came from Party City.

— I liked the music this episode. I didn’t have a favorite song, but all the tracks worked pretty well!

— Why is Cheryl’s backpack so small? It doesn’t look like you can fit anything bigger than a calculator in there. It’s not even trendy or cool, it’s just impractical.

— Riverdale Parents Ranking: Sheriff Keller, Sierra, The Lodges, Penelope.

Quotables

Top cursed lines from this episode:

“It’s Cheryl, you welfare baby.” – Cheryl.

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